positive impact

As my earlier blogs have obviously expressed: The people of Rising Hope have had a significant impact on my life...
I have participated in many mission trips and service work and in these experiences have come to expect the people I meet and work with to impact me. I realize that I am helpful to them as well, but it is usually not very obvious that what I have done has actually been life-changing for the people I serve.
In the last couple weeks at Rising Hope I was blessed, surprised, and humbled as I learned that my presence was more than "a help" or "a nice addition" to the community... by doing God's work, I impacted lives.

I told you about my friend who loiters and drinks on the corner - the one who "gots my back." Remember he had a really low day and was feeling as though life wasn't worth it. Jesus spoke through me, through my words, my actions, my love and reaching out...
He has recently told me that I changed his life. He said that God is working through me, and that if I can change his life, I could change the world. He encouraged me to keep doing what I was doing, keep loving people how I was... Keep serving Jesus, because He has great plans for my life.
(Now, the couple times he related this to me, he was wasted. So although it truly did touch me, I felt like I didn't have that much of an effect.)

Then, something happened, and I'll get to it soon...

Sunday was my last worship service at Rising Hope. We had an "Order of Farewell" for Allie (the other intern serving at RH this summer) and me. During this time it was opened to the congregation to share their stories and memories they had with Allie and me. It was very rewarding to stand before this family and be spoken of so highly. My friends were in tears as they thanked me for what I did there, as they shared different instances where I had impacted them significantly.
One friend started crying as she spoke of her gratefulness the day I took her to her niece's graduation. I had to go through pouring rain, lots of traffic, pick other people up, take her around... (it wasn't bad or frustrating to me) she related all of this and added "and you didn't complain once. I just love you so much for all you've done for me."

Another friend, someone I honestly didn't interact with many times said she just loved my joy. That I was always such a positive uplifter and my joy was infectious. It meant so much to her to get to know me and be affected by my attitude.

Many things were mentioned, my leading of the prayer services, my work with the children...
Allie and I both were spoken of so highly and specially.
Another friend sung a song for Allie and me, as a farewell gift. She has a powerful, rich, soulful voice - it was beautiful. Before she sang the song, she spoke of a gift I gave her last week. I had heard her mention that she loved the song "How Can I Keep from Singing" by Chris Tomlin. Well I absolutely love the song as well; so, I used it in Friday's prayer service with my lesson. I didn't really think it was all that big of a deal - but she did. She said it touched her so much to be thought of, and that it may seem like a "little thing" but sometimes the "little things" are what matters most. And then she returned her gratefulness in song.

But what touched me the most this Sunday, goes back to the man I began speaking of at the beginning of this blog. My alcoholic friend came to Sunday service. He came fully clothed, and completely sober. He came to worship, not for the whole 2 hour service, but he came, and he stayed awhile. He never comes to church, he has occasionally come to prayer service, always pretty drunk and doesn't stay but minutes... but he doesn't attend the Sunday worship. This week was different.
Later he spoke to me. He said, "I'm no good at this church thing," but he came because of me. He came because I impacted his life. He came because He saw God in me.

And I realized that although this experience was not, at all, about me, God certainly used me in mighty ways to give something important to the people of Rising Hope.

My friend who sang for Allie and me Sunday was saying Goodbye yesterday, my last day at Rising Hope. She said that it was so wonderful to see me so committed to the Lord at such a young age, and that God would continue to bless me, and bless others through me as He has done at Rising Hope. She told me that I made her think of a song... and she sang a line from it:
"Thank you for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was changed. Thank You for giving to the Lord, I am so glad you gave..."

It is hard to believe that my days at Rising Hope are over. The friendships I've formed, the people I've helped, the love I've shared, the blessings I've received, all I have taught and learned, taken with me and given to them... remains.
Forever I will think of the people there - the least, the lost, the lonely, the left-out: the alcoholics, the crack-heads, the impoverished, low-income, disenfranchised, criminals, felons, marginalized, the unemployed, the mentally disabled or unstable, the emotionally distressed, homeless - but I have long since stopped thinking of them with these labels, I categorized them less and less as our relationships formed and developed.
So, ever-present in my heart will be my Rising Hope Family... and I hope I, too, remain in theirs.

life's lows

My friend I told you about a few weeks ago, remember the one with the drinking problem and the upcoming courtdate? Well, I went with her to her court date. I was with her while she waiting, taking bathroom breaks to sneak some alcohol... I was there when she was sentenced to a treatment program - to be completed by her trial date in October. I rejoiced with her that she wasn't facing jail time...
And then I was with her the next day, as she sat, drunk, in the noon-prayer service which I was leading...
Then, I didn't see her... for days. I prayed, and I waiting anxiously for a sign of her. Hearing about how she had been drinking again, worrying that her sentence of a treatment program wouldn't be fulfilled.
Well, she was picked up, arrested, and is currently in jail. She sent us a letter at the church, and I think she has woken up. She's pretty low right now, and she can't indulge her addiction, there. But she's not trying to get out... she's trying to get through a treatment program there.
At her low though, she wrote to her church... at her low she knows God is there.

Last week I sat with my host-mom at the church comforting a friend. We have a friend at Rising Hope who "gots our backs." He doesn't usually enter the church. He's not a member, and he doesn't volunteer either. But he does run the corner of loiterers/drunkards outside, and they watch out for the church, they watch out for its staff, and "no matter how many times we call the cops on them,they still love us."
He's 55, and he has nothing in his life of value but that corner. No wife, no children, no job...
He came into the church distraught this day. He had had enough.
"I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm ready to go home." he repeated, as he wept.
"Life's hard. I'm tired. I want to go home. I'm going home to my Father tonight. He says he got a room for me. In my house there are many rooms... I'm going home."
We all three cried together. Our attempts at comfort were accepted, but he was certain that he was done with this world...
Then we prayed with him. He decided he wasn't going to go home tonight. He was going to keep on.
At life's low, he found God was there.

Another of my friends, the one I told you who said a couple weeks ago that it was her last day for crack cocaine? She's facing a courtdate, the possibility of penitentiary looming over her head. She is homeless, now. She is searching for a recovery program to complete, so she can show she is moving forward. It's harder and harder as each day approaches her courtdate.
But everyday she's at the church. Everyday she sits in noon-prayer service, actively participating, in praise and in petition. She holds onto her church family and her faith.
At her life's low, she knows God is there.

A new friend at church... a young woman with an 18 month old daughter has been coming. She is jobless, she doesn't have money for gas, shampoo, rent, baby wipes and diapers, food... Her family has left her because she is trying to make things work with her child's father. She feels abandoned and alone. She is searching for a job as she tries her best to deal with caring for her child, restoring a relationship, a lack of family support, and a failing financial situation... but she has come to church, not just for assistance, but for worship and prayer service.
At her life's lows, she is finding God there.

We all have our lows - some of them may seem petty to us, now... as we read of those whose lives have spiraled out of their control... but I hope you find, that at all your lows, God is there with you, eager to walk you through.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me..." Psalm 23:4

How far do you go for LOVE?

A man at Rising Hope: homeless, yet joyful and giving; always volunteering; always ready to lend a helping hand; asking little, forever grateful. My friend, patting me on the shoulder, giving me a high-five, or a toothy grin. I see him carrying in donations, sweeping inside or out, running errands around the building, always with a smile on his face.

One day, on my way home from work I was in my van stopped behind a row of cars at the stoplight beside the church. He was walking up the middle of the street, pausing at each car asking for money. Some people would hand a buck out their window. With each dollar he received he was increasingly grateful. When he reached me, he looked a little embarrassed that he almost asked for money. Realizing who was in the car he shook his head and his finger, closed his eyes with a look of deep gratitude encompassing his face as his hands grasped his heart. Then, he blew me a kiss and walked on. He seemed to be saying, "Thank you so much for what you do for me already... I couldn't ask the church for any more than they already give." Then he skipped on to the next vehicle.

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A lady at Rising Hope, homeless and penniless, sleeps on the street, lives on the street. Attends prayer regularly, and is ever-aware of God working in her life, getting her through each day. She is bothered by the drunks that hang around the church, she'll take their bottles from them and bring them into the church office. She is adamant that they stop causing problems.
The other day I arrived at work with my host-mom (also the secretary of the church) we saw her sitting outside: downcast, overwhelmed, crying. Well, that day my host-mom and I sat down beside her on the curb, comforting her, rubbing her back, asking her what was wrong, letting her know we cared, we wanted to help her if we could.
Her homeless boyfriend had beat her again. When he's drunk, he gets violent. He has been arrested many times for public drunkenness. That past weekend he had been picked up three different times, a disturbance to the church people and the passers-by. This time, after being offered coffee in his drunken state he dumped it on his girlfriend, burning her.
Why would she stay with him? How could she love a man who dumps coffee on her, beats her, causes her to be depressed and cry?

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Why would she? How could she? Because her boyfriend is the cheerful man who blew me a kiss and wouldn't ask me for money. Her boyfriend is the loving, fun, helpful volunteer who is always at the church giving me a big smile and a pat on the back. Her boyfriend is the man who stays on the streets with her, preventing her loneliness.
When he is sober he is the man in the first story, when he is drunk he is the man in the second.

Why would she? How could she? Because she loves him.

She loves him enough to take the alcohol away from him or those providing it and give it to the church. She loves him enough to watch him arrested again and again for public drunkenness. She loves the man he is without the alcohol. She loves the man he could always be if he stayed sober. Does she go too far for love?

We live in a world filled with problems of drunkenness and abuse, we are part of a people who hurt others and ourselves. We all fall short of deserving love... and yet:

"God so loved the world that He gave His only Son..." (John 3:16)

How far would you go for love?

Love for the Lost

Here, I know a woman. She grew up in Western New York, and attended a small High School. Her guidance counselor told her she would never be accepted to go to the State University, but she was. She and her best friend attended the University of Buffalo, where she majored in Management and Finance. She is intelligent and talented. She enjoys accounting and drawing. Her sketches are vivid and lifelike. She told me she doesn't know anything about poetry, or about composing music, but she writes beautiful songs. She is funny, and loves to laugh. She is friendly, giving, and works well with others - especially children. She volunteers at Rising Hope, and has been a member there for over three years...

This woman has been cut off from a relationship with her mom. She is far from home. She suffered an accident - was run over by a car - and went through surgery. She lost her short term memory. She lives in a homeless shelter, because she has been waiting on disability, which at this rate she is unsure will ever be approved for her. She is addicted to alcohol. When she abuses it, she is uncontrollable - even by herself. She has been picked up countless times by the police. She has a felony, for stealing (alcohol). She has countless Drunk In Public fines. Next week, she has a court date for charges of harassment and trespassing while she was completely wasted.

She is my friend.

Here, I know another woman. She has been a member of the church since 1998. She regularly attends prayer and church services...

She has been kicked out of her apartment by the police because of drug-dealing/use going on there. She is addicted to crack-cocaine. Today, she decided was her last day. Today she decided she is going to Detox. Today she wants to give her life to Jesus, not to drugs. She spoke of how grateful she is for Rising Hope, its people, and how it has been/still is there for her in her constant battle with her addiction. She said when she brings people to the sanctuary she tells them, "welcome to our living room." Rising Hope is her home.

She is my family.

Today I led the noon-day prayer service. I was a vessel... I'm not completely sure of exactly what I shared, but after I spoke, the Rising Hope family opened up. Stories were shared, prayer concerns lifted, support given, and then in one spirit we prayed for one another and those we encounter in our lives, within and especially outside of the church. We read from Galatians 5 and 6 - focusing on 5:24: Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. We then listened to the song "Let Me Sing" by Andrew Peterson, "let me sing for the love, let me love for the lost, let me lose all I have, for what I've found on the cross..."

Rising Hope's family is made up of many people who have had taken from them all they owned and all they were, but they are holding tightly to the Cross...
Regardless of their backgrounds, cultures, pasts, lifestyles, addictions, Jesus is showing me how to love them... and together with them, we (Rising Hope) are loving those who are still lost.

"God with skin on..."

"Rising Hope is God with skin on..." Venisa - one of the staff - informed me my first day at work.

Well, as I've spent a little over a week working with its ministries, I've seen Venisa's words come to life. The last couple days I've been shut in an office translating things, running around organizing/preparing things for Saturday's Family Fun Fair, and haven't had as much people-interaction as the social butterfly in me desires. Yet, there's one point everyday, regardless of what I'm up to, where I have the wonderful opportunity to unite with the people of Rising Hope: noon-day prayer.

Everyday at noon there is prayer open to all. Some days it's packed, others it's pretty slim, but it's always unifying and uplifting. Thursday was packed. We read from 2 Corinthians 4.

8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.

As a mission church of/to the least, the lost, the lonely the members can truly relate to this. Pastor Keary always encourages, "God doesn't waste a single hurt." Here we have a hurting body, a hard-pressed, perplexed, persecuted, struck down group of God's people... but they persevere through their hurts, and they come out as shining witnesses of the glory of God at work in this world.

Well at prayer Thursday, someone new was there. Shahandra was feeling low, the verses shared from 2 Corinthians really spoke to her, and after another's testimony of how he had been a coke addict for 20 years and then had his heart transformed by Jesus and was clean and a living witness, she broke down and shared her feelings.
Shahandra came to the church for a little help from their community services of food/clothing and at prayer time she was just drawn up there, not really sure why, just that she had an overwhelming feeling of being welcomed and of belonging encompass her as she encountered the beautiful people of this church. She's been struggling, and doesn't have anywhere else to turn but God. Then, sobbing, she trailed off, "I don't even have a church of my own..." And our sister Josephine chimed in, "Well you do now! Welcome to the family!" As Pastor Keary began to pray for Shahandra, she was literally surrounded by encouraging brothers and sisters (many going through the same thing) extending their hands in Christ's love and uplifting her situation, her life... reminding her that regardless of her despair, God still has a purpose for her, and he's reaching out to her through His Body at Rising Hope.

beautiful people...

This week has been one of orientation... I'm getting to know Rising Hope - its people, its ministries, its management - and falling in love with it.

As I've helped work with the Food Distribution Ministry (as well as the pick-ups, unloading, sorting), and the Clothing Ministry I've encountered a plethora of people... all kind of in a low spot, in need of a little lift up. They are marginalized... homeless, sick, low income, jobless, immigrants, mentally disabled, addicted... and they have lost dignity; they've been humbled to the point of relying on other people for their basic sustenance...

it's sad, it's heart-wrenching.

but, i have rising hope - because I see a thriving ministry reaching out far beyond the walls of that little church building. Fulfilling Jesus' command to love. Modeling themselves after the church in Acts, where everyone participates, everyone gives, everyone helps, everyone shares...

I feel like I am needed, too. None of the staff members speak Spanish, and maybe one or two of the dozens of volunteers speak Spanish. Yet, many of the people who come for help speak little, or no English. I have worked with the Food and Clothing ministries, talking with the Spanish-speaking folks, who are surprised and very grateful to have someone who understands their words.

I feel like I am wanted, too. The members of the church, and those who attend prayer, or worship, or breakfast, or lunch, want to get to know me, to talk to me, to find out about me... to create a friendship... to share with me their lives... and this is how I encounter Jesus everyday. I see people at their lowest, who have lost so much and suffered so much, and I see them filled with the joy of Jesus, and sharing Him with each other and with me.

Last night I attended Celebrate Recovery - a 12 step program where individuals recovering from a variety of addictions (not just drugs and alcohol) can come and find community, accountability, relief, and grace. It begins with Intercessory Prayer, is followed by worship and a devotion, and ends in small groups (right now just a men's group and a women's group as probably between 15 and 20 people attend).

I've always believed everyone is equal, but when I came to Rising Hope I have thought again and again how happy I was that I "would never be like that" (referring to the people here). Then at Celebrate Recovery something Liz said woke me up: "I always used to say that it would never happen. I was never gonna be homeless. I was never gonna need assistance. I was never gonna..." and I realized, it could happen to even me. I've been talking to these people, and regardless of the family support they may have had, the faith they may have held on to, the college degree they still hold, life threw them a curve ball somewhere along the way... and they're hardly making it now...

so, who am I to judge their current state? who am I to be above it? who am I to dare say "it'll never happen to me!"?

What I do know is this: They are Christ's as much as I.

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:27 NLT

introductions

On Sunday morning I was picked up at the airport a little bit after 11. I made it to Rising Hope's church service probably around noon - so it was near the end. Walking in I looked around the congregation of diversity, made up primarily of the poor and homeless, the mentally disabled, the addicted, the unstable, the marginalized of society and I did not feel uncomfortable or out of my element.
I sat down and listened to them during a time of "Joys and Concerns" as they praised and asked for prayer. I saw deep caring in the faces of church members as they listened to bits of others' lives. Then, my supervisor stood up and introduced me as the church's intern for the summer and I was overwhelmed by the feeling of warmth and acceptance as their faces returned looks wide smiles and bright eyes.
We entered into Communion followed by song, and my eyes were tearing within a few minutes as I - one who has home, functional family, job, healthy mind, no addiction, many friends, high school education, college enrollment, and a paycheck coming in - took the Body and Bread alongside of these people. It is one thing to recognize that the Lord's Table is open to all, and an entirely new experience to live it.

After the service I had the opportunity to meet many of the church members, the Pastor and his family, some board members, etc. I ate lunch with the church family, as the church serves a meal after the service. I ate with the Pastor's daughter Kaitlyn, she's 16, and 5 young girls ages 6-11 surrounded us, clung to us, fought over our attention.

I am already welcomed, accepted, and loved and am excited to begin working tomorrow. Keep me in your prayers!

the beginning...

I am not at Rising Hope UMC yet, as I am still training for the internship. There are 8 other Young Adult Mission Interns of the United Methodist Church for this summer. We are from all over the world and will be placed all over this country to further God's Kingdom and to serve His people in need.

I wasn't sure if I would even write about the training period - because I'm not out doing/serving currently. Yet I feel like the training is vital to our internship - so maybe your knowledge of it will better your understanding of the rest of my internship journey which I have yet to experience or relate to you...

Tonight we had a Session on Prayer... we closed the session by writing a prayer on a piece of paper, walking a prayer labyrinth, placing our paper-prayer in its center, and walking out of the labyrinth... we then all joined together and prayed.

I guess although prayer is nothing new to me, nor are labyrinths, I had a new experience/realization as I prayed and walked along the path. This training has been a time of new relationships: with eight other interns, and a variety of adults who are leading us in sessions to prepare us for our position. These relationships are new, and for a short period of time. Never again will we nine interns be all together again, as the same people - even when we reunite at the end of our internships we will be changed. So although these friendships are not necessarily for life - they are still important to our life.

As we walked along the labyrinth we were spaced out, walking close and far from one another, towards, away from, or following. At times we walked together, at times we brushed by, at times we were aware of all of us participating, and at others we were focused on our own walk. So it is with the labyrinth of life - portions we walk together, alone, or close by... at times we recognize others, at times we are walking towards each other, and at other times we are walking away... but each encounter of relationship is a piece of our lives that is vital to forming who we are.

So each of these fellow interns: Joy, Joe, Nichol, Saul, Paul, Ashita, Raissa, and Jeannette; each of those who've led us: Suzanne, Glenn, Lucas, Mary Beth, Bruce (although Bruce has crossed my path many times before, and is probably most likely to again), and Joanne; they've all impacted my life - who I am in some way... and the imprints they've left on my life, especially as we train for our internships together, will be displayed in my job this summer and the rest of my journey.

I realized something else as I prayed, something probably more vital: as I walked to the center of the labyrinth, carrying my paper-prayer, I had a distinct purpose to achieve - to lay my prayer before God. I prayed all along the journey: the prayer I had written out, and much more. When I arrived at the center, and lay the prayer down I wasn't completely fulfilled - I wasn't finished. My prayer was given, my praise was offered, my faith was being used, my relationship with Jesus was evident as I connected and conversed with Him... and then I turned around and continued the walk, out of the labyrinth, and I continued the journey in prayer, I lifted more and more up, I praised more, I gave more, I asked more, I shared more... just as I had done on the walk in... this labyrinth didn't have an ultimate end to a journey, a true complete center, going out was just like coming in for me... and I realized this:

I have so much to give to God - all of myself. As I go through my life I will give Him all of myself in prayer and praise, in service, in mission, in offering, in relationships. Yet, even if I give Him ALL that I am, it will never be enough, it will never be all He is worth. My life, my praise, my prayer, my relationship doesn't surmount to what He deserves, to what He is owed. If I am truly grateful forever, He will not be thanked enough.
I thought: If I knew the same number of things about God as He knew of me I will still not know a fraction of Him. The Greatness He is, is something I will never fully comprehend... yet I know He is Great and worthy of my never-ending praise, He is worthy of my life offered in service and much more - and since it's not enough, He makes up for it.
In all the insufficiencies of my life-offering; In all that is incomplete and unfulfilled in my service in mission - He covers. He makes up for all I cannot. It humbles me to recognize that God is so absolute, that no matter how completely and how forever I give all I am, I will never give all He deserves - but He will take me, HE WANTS TO TAKE ME, and He will use me, HE WANTS TO USE ME. My insufficicient self can be worked through to accomplish amazing things for His kingdom.

I hope that as I continue on my life's labyrinth - the continual journey of prayer and offering to God - that I can impact the people I pass along the way, the people I walk with, the people I walk to, the people I walk away from, the people I brush by, the people I encounter along the way - that I might impact them and they may impact me... that we may share Jesus with each other, that we may serve each other as we serve our God.

This is my hope as I walk into my internship experience - and this is my hope as I walk out of it.